A Recipe for Disaster

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how my mother-in-law was miffed that we hadn't started planning the twins' first birthday four months ahead of time. I was so grateful for all of your responses, and I wanted to email each of you back to thank you. That didn't quite happen, partly because I have been scrambling to pull together details for a party that isn't going to happen for another eight weeks. (Why, yes, I am banging my head against the laptop as I type that; how did you know?)

For simplicity's sake, let's call my mother-in-law Marie. (A gold star to anyone who can guess why.) Marie once again brought up the topic of the twins' birthday, and since I have a better idea now of what my own parents' situations will be, I decided to go ahead and pick a date so the woman would quit hounding me so I could reserve the park shelter for the day and time we wanted. Many of you pointed out that this was a bad idea, and that I should wait until I was ready. And you were absolutely right.

Before we reserved the shelter - which, by the way, is in a beautiful wooded area and is very nice - the Master Chief mentioned to his parents what date we were leaning toward. Marie immediately pointed out that it was Father's Day weekend. Honestly, I've been so exhausted lately that this hadn't occurred to me, but as I thought about it, it seemed the Master Chief might enjoy spending his first official Father's Day as a father with his father. Three generations, all together. It sounded nice in my head. (Technically, I guess it's his second, since the twins were actually born on Father's Day. But we were all a mess that day, and while it was very good, it was also very scary, so I feel like it didn't really count.)

Marie wasn't thrilled, but said they didn't have any other plans for that weekend. Something about the tone of her voice made me think she wasn't really ok with it. Then, the next day, I received the following message. Through facebook.

Jenn, What do you think about having the birthday party on the following weekend from Father's Day. That would get it away from the holiday and give your friends a chance to spend Father's Day with [their] families. Just a thought but we will be flexible no matter which day you pick.

This is my head, about to explode.
Photo courtesy of cobrasoft on stock.xchng.

First of all, whatever happened to good old email? Or the phone? Facebook is not the most reliable way to reach me. Secondly, why is she concerned with what my friends have planned? I already had a good idea of who would be able to make it, because (contrary to Marie's opinion) I am actually a pretty solid planner. To anyone who doesn't know Marie or our history together, I'm sure that comes across as a sincere, sweet, kind message. To me, it says: I am trying to plan your party. I began to wonder if "your friends" wasn't code for Marie and my father-in-law. Maybe they had plans that they didn't want to share with us, for some reason?

It was enough to keep me from booking the shelter while I thought it through. When I checked the availability a short while later, I saw that the date I wanted had been booked. As had my second choice. After a brief meltdown, I rallied and found an alternate date that the Master Chief and I were both happy with. It happens to be the Saturday of the 4th of July weekend, but it works for us and for most of our friends. So I did things in the right order this time: I booked the shelter and then informed Marie. She promptly thanked me for planning it "so early," which made me chafe. Her words had the ring of victory.

I would like to say that the matter ended there, and had I written this post earlier today as I intended, that would have been true. The Master Chief received this email today at work:

Just wanted to ask you if I could invite Uncle A, Aunt B and Aunt C to the twins birthday party. I am going to Aunt D's 50th on Sat. and will be going with them.

Don't want to ask them if you already have quite a few coming. Please let me know before Saturday.

 

I'm kind of curious about a few things. Why did she email the Master Chief instead of me, especially since we already had a message thread going about it on facebook? Also, why is she planning to invite only three of his aunts and uncles? Their family parties seem to be all-or-nothing affairs. I'm a little concerned that if we say yes, everyone else is going to be hurt that they weren't invited.

 

Most importantly, though, WHY DOES SHE NEED TO KNOW THIS BEFORE SATURDAY? She sees these people frequently, and she certainly could call them at any time. This seems like a classic manipulative move. She goes to the Master Chief instead of me - when she knows I'm planning the party - and then she gives him a deadline to make him feel pressured to say yes.

 

Well, the Master Chief is awesome. Because he wrote her back and said that I was planning the party, and he would check with me. And I'm going to tell her that I need some time to think about it.

 

And then I'm going to call her and give her my decision, first thing Sunday morning.